Intrepid Girl Reporter


Sunday, 11/22: blackberry-picking
November 22, 2009, 11:20 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

It feels like the accumulated stress of the past two months or so has settled into my bones, weighing me down. It’s difficult to explain this feeling of emotional and mental fatigue – as though all the crying and yelling has actually drained the energy from me, like a long run, but without the ensuing endorphin rush. I should probably start running again.* I don’t sleep a lot in an escapist manner, but when I sleep I sleep longer and harder, my dreams more surreal, waking more difficult. These are not real stresses, not stresses like having to provide for a family or going hungry, but nobody told my subconscious.

I spent today drafting my policy memo, which was satisfying but not as much as I would have liked it to be, and came back and found the apples IGRB and I picked. I should not have been surprised that they smelt of rot.

As I mentioned a few days ago, we spent the last JF meeting discussing charity vs. justice – charity is palliative, whereas justice involves fighting for deeper, structural change. And when I am lost in my own self-centered miasma of negativity, I wonder what needs address with me: the symptoms or the person, myself. Something usually comes along, however, to remind me that there’s a world beyond my navel; in the case of today, I wrote a paper about the need for economic justice in addressing the spread of HIV/AIDS, because most funding in the particular area I’m covering is focused on treatment of the symptoms and not the larger problem. And then I spoke – briefly, via the written word – with a friend who means a lot to me, and who is facing loss right now in a way that dwarfs me. Which is a reminder that some justice can be fought for and attained, and some things are unfair by their very nature, but that all of them extend beyond my own petty concerns.

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